Emily Maynard Johnson Thought She’d Be a Single Mom Forever After Broken Bachelor Engagements

Emily Maynard Johnson is cherishing each impulse as a mom and mom of four, though there was a time when she wasn’t certain she’d find her happily ever after.

After losing her beloved to a craft pile-up only before she found out she was profound during age 18, a existence TV alum gifted two unsuccessful relationships: She was initial engaged to Brad Womack on deteriorate 15 of The Bachelor and later to Jef Holm on her deteriorate of The Bachelorette.

“I consider behind to where we was 5 years ago, going through another open breakup, and we gave in to a thought that maybe matrimony and that life was not for me,” Maynard Johnson tells PEOPLE for this week’s issue, posing for a honeyed print widespread with father Tyler Johnson, their 3 sons Gatlin Avery, 6 weeks, Gibson Kyle, 15 months, and Jennings Tyler, 2, and a star’s 12-year-old daughter Ricki.

“I unequivocally had to come to terms with a fact that maybe it was going to be only Ricki and me forever,” admits Maynard Johnson, 31. “Then we met Tyler, and we knew that was not a plan. Now we couldn’t suppose my life any other way.”

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Jef Holm and Emily Maynard Johnson on The Bachelorette

Emily Maynard Johnson and Brad Womack on The Bachelor

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The author of I Said Yes tells PEOPLE that she was “in such a haze for a lot of” a time in lifting Ricki following a tragedy — and that some of a pain even still persists today.

“As a mom you live in fear that a bottom is going to tumble out,” she says. “From what I’ve experienced, I’ve lived with that dim cloud over me, like, ‘When is something bad going to happen?’ we have to have faith that we’ll be okay.”

Emily Maynard Johnson and daughter Ricki in 2005

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A lot of that faith, Maynard Johnson says, she owes to her husband. “I try to be so most some-more beholden for Tyler,” she tells PEOPLE. “He’s such a good dad. Sometimes I’m sceptical that a boys, and Ricki, adore him so most that I’m like, ‘I wanna be a favorite.’ ”

“Whenever he’s around, we don’t have to worry about anything,” Maynard Johnson continues. “He has it handled. [I’m] additional beholden for him and all that he does since we didn’t have that before. And it’s such a outrageous help.”

Emily Maynard Johnson and family

Watch a full part of Emily Maynard Johnson — Big Happy Family, streaming now on PeopleTV. Go to People.com/peopletv, or download a app on your favorite streaming device.

Johnson tells PEOPLE that from a unequivocally beginning, he took a shortcoming of parenting Ricki “very seriously.”

“I was unequivocally conscious about perplexing to ensure her heart and make certain that we was not only dating Emily but dating [Ricki] too,” he explains. “And we literally fell in adore with her. I’ll get romantic if we speak too most about it.”


Emily Maynard Johnson and family

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“I’m super honored. I’m sanctified to be her dad,” he adds. “I adore her as if she was cave biologically … there’s unequivocally no difference. And she’s my buddy. She’s literally a best thing that ever happened to me. we love her to death.”

For some-more sum about Emily Maynard Johnson’s pleasing family of six, collect adult a latest emanate of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.