Kellyanne Conway Gives Batshit Interview About ‘Alternative Facts’ And How She Would Rather Commit Suicide Than Be Press Secretary

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Feel like a bucket of crazy on this excellent Saturday afternoon?!

Boy, do we have something for we — and it comes from (where else) a Trump administration!!!

Kellyanne Conway is a theme of a LONG feature-length speak for New York Magazine in a story published currently (apparently it’ll also seem in a mag’s imitation chronicle on Monday), and after reading it, we are just… speechless.

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There’s a lot of belligerent to cover in a whole feature, so we should carve out some time after to review a full thing, yet here are a few highlights from it — starting with a verbatim fact that Conway would distant rather dedicate self-murder than work as press secretary:

“Slit my wrists, drain out, put concrete boots on, burst off a bridge, and afterwards I’ll take a pursuit — are we teasing me?”

Uh, well, OK then.

Conway’s bigger quote-able square in a feature, though, competence core on her doubling-down about “alternative facts.” In fact, she explained accurately what “alternative facts” are, and how she can use them:

“Two and dual is four. Three and one is four. Partly cloudy, partly sunny. Glass half full, potion half empty. Those are choice facts.”

We… uh…. we, well, uh….

Yeah, we have no difference left.

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But if you’re wondering by now because President Donald Trump hasn’t, we know, dismissed her — well, they have a REALLY tighten relationship:

“When we wish to speak to him, we go speak to him. Eighty-five percent of what we plead with him will never be revealed. It’s like any other boss–C-suite-employee relationship. we don’t need to speak to him by a TV. we only go in and speak to him.”

Maybe that’s partial of a problem!

Oh, and one some-more crazy small tidbit in Conway’s profile… she’s VERY pro-life, yet she’s paid for abortions for other women in a past.

She claims:

“Do we know anybody who ever got an abortion? Well, of march we do. I’ve driven them there. I’ve helped pay. You know, when you’re young, you’re meditative about a person, not a issue. We were younger, and we was focused on her, not on a incomparable open policy.”

Wow!

…Except, when pushed for details, Conway couldn’t remember any of them.

OK then.

Read a full form HERE.

[Image around CBS.]

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